My Special Place by Nevaeh
1.waves crashing
2.Seagulls /food
3.hot sand
4.MacDoanld
As the waves were crashing like the sound of thunder, I jumped into the deep blue sea.
When I jumped into the sea, I felt something nip my foot “ouch”. I opened my mouth under the water. It was as cold as ice and the water tasted bitter like salt.
I came up but I could not breath. I finally took a breath and started crying I ran towards mum and I told her what happened , so she got my towel and wrapped it up me and gave me something to eat.
It was lunchtime my mum and dad made some shortbread! It was so tasty. After our quick snack, we got some delicious chocolate chip ice cream and pizza.
When we got in the car, a seagull flew into the window and stole my pizza and I said “give me back my pizza you stupid seagull “ I am never eating any food by the beach again.
The seagulls were so annoying when they were swelling because they were hurting my ears.
The hot sand was going between my toes like me stepping in lava. “Ouch” I yelled, the sand was burning my feet like me standing a stove/oven.The sand looks kinda red because it is a very hot day. Finally the tide reached the hot sand and cooled me off. After I had my cool off I asked my parents if they could build a sand castle. “Ah ha we did it” I said loudly,Whoosh, “Oh no” the waves swooped the sand castle away to the sea. Mum and Dad laughed but when they looked at me frowning they stopped laughing.
My mum went to go to MacDonald’s well me and my dad Adam were still in the nice warm tent. Yay mums back with MacDonald. We all gathered around the fire and we were having tea on the loges. After we had tea we roasted some marshmallows. They were so nice “yum” I said. OMG my dad drop his stick and the marshmallow in the fire, I was laughing my head off. My sister Tyla was laughing as well just like the rest of us.
What went well for me
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What I could do better
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What went well for me was adding enough detail and putting picture in the reader's head. Something that also did good was having complex sentences.
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